To: J.

Hey buddy..

I don't know if you want to hear what i want to say right now but i really want to tell you.. 

i wanted that for about two or three years and i want to talk english because.. 

well.. 

that's probably the only thing i'm really good at.. 

right now at the moment i have nothing i could loose so i'll do what i always wanted.. 

i wanna say thank you.. 

really.. 

thank you.. 

At the time when i went to this school where we both were I had nothing.. 

like now.. 

I started cutting myself cause of all the things, the other people said to me.. 

i was alone everyday and even if i wasn't it felt like it.. 

i trusted no one and i still don't because.. 

people lied to me and people judged me and hurted me and hit me over and over again for years... 

and at the end, when i didn't came to school, i was done.. 

i always thought about killing myself.. 

every day.. 

i felt worthless.. 

stupid.. 

scared.. 

And I ended up at a mental hospital and i was there for about nine weeks.. 

But whatever i thought, it all ended up with you.. 

because you were the only one who didn't judge me.. 

we never were really close friends or stuff but you were the one who kept me up.. 

kept me thinking that i'm not that bad and worthless.. 

you were the only one who wasn't fake. 

And i always wanted to be a friend of you but i was insecure and depressed and scared of what you think of me.. 

i really don't know if this conversation was about me and i don't know if you remember but at the first or second day after i came to your class, 

you talked to dominik and he asked you 

"do you like her?" 

and you answered 

"why not? She's a nice girl.".. 

when everyone else was like "look at her, she's so fat and ugly" you were like "she's a nice girl."..

 i never forgot that.. 

even if something about five or six years passed now, 

since that conversation, 

i didn't forget.. 

And i'm really really fucking thankful for that.. 

i hope you read all this.. 

and that you don't laugh or something.. 

alright.. 

that's what i wanted to tell.. 

maybe you text back, maybe not. 

But i would be happy..